\u201cA girl can\u2019t do that\u201d \u2013 and why, as the father of two daughters, I finally never want to hear or see that again.<\/p>\n
There are these moments when something old hits you out of the blue. A line from a song. A chorus you might have sung along to in the past without thinking much about it. And then \u2013 years later, with two children holding your hands and a different view of the world \u2013 you realize: This is not \u201cnostalgic\u201d. This is a mirror.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen you think you think, then you only think you think: A girl can\u2019t do that. Look into my eyes and then look at my face. When you think you think, then you only think you think: You\u2019ve got an easy game. But I know what I want, so just laugh at me, because in the end I\u2019ll laugh \u2026 at you.\u201d (Released in 1975 by the great Juliane Werding, lyrics according to sources by Gunter Gabriel.)<\/p>\n
The chorus that I just can\u2019t get out of my head right now carries within it the typical arrogance we all know: that self-assured \u201cI know better\u201d that so likes to disguise itself as reason. And right in the middle of it this sentence that has survived to this day in astonishingly many variations: the assumption that girls can do less. Less technology. Less courage. Less assertiveness. Less math. Less leadership. Less \u201ctoughness\u201d. And above all: less right to define their own reality.<\/p>\n
I am the father of two daughters. Both belong to Generation Alpha. And I catch myself having a thought that is both hope and despair at the same time:<\/p>\n
Unbelievable how current this old chorus still is. Hopefully the Generation Alpha of my daughters will succeed in eliminating the patriarchy from our reality \u2013 and establishing real equality. Starting with the attitude toward abilities.<\/p>\n
And yes, I sometimes phrase it deliberately pointedly, because I believe that we occasionally need a little shock to wake up: If anyone at all wants to justify a \u201climit of ability\u201d biologically, then there is one achievement that most men cannot accomplish: carrying and giving birth to a child. (And before anyone rightly objects: Not every woman can or wants to become pregnant, and there are trans men who can give birth \u2013 my point is not biology as destiny, but biology as an unmasking reality check for those who so like to judge \u201cabilities\u201d.)<\/p>\n
Nevertheless, it is historically and socially absurd how naturally of all people male voices explain to women what they \u201ccan\u2019t do\u201d.<\/p>\n
This is not \u201cman-bashing\u201d. This is a system problem. And systems do not change because you politely ignore them.<\/p>\n
1) The chorus as diagnosis: The problem is not volume, but self-evidence<\/strong><\/p>\n What grips me so much about this old chorus is not just the content, but the attitude behind it:<\/p>\n This attitude is the quiet DNA of patriarchy. Not always as open hatred. Not always as crude disparagement. Often as supposedly neutral normality: \u201cThat\u2019s just how it is.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s always been that way.\u201d \u201cGirls are just more likely to be \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n And that is exactly what makes it so tough.<\/p>\n 2) \u201cA girl can\u2019t do that\u201d \u2013 the modern version often sounds friendly<\/strong><\/p>\n When we talk about equality today, many people think of big scandals, clear injustices, obvious discrimination. Those exist \u2013 unfortunately. But what strikes me particularly as a father are the small things. The everyday sentences. The reflexive images.<\/p>\n For example:<\/p>\n That\u2019s the perfidious thing: It\u2019s not always aggressive. Sometimes it\u2019s even loving. And that is precisely why it works.<\/p>\n Because children don\u2019t just learn from rules. They learn from what we consider normal.<\/p>\n 3) Patriarchy is not \u201cthe bad men\u201d \u2013 patriarchy is an operating system<\/strong><\/p>\n I believe we only move forward if we don\u2019t use patriarchy as a buzzword, but as a description:<\/p>\n Patriarchy is a system of expectations, privileges and power of interpretation that is historically male-dominated \u2013 and that continues to have an effect to this day.<\/p>\n It concretely means:<\/p>\n And yes: This system also harms boys and men \u2013 because it squeezes them into narrow roles. But (and this is important) that does not make it symmetrical. The costs are not evenly distributed. The power of interpretation is not evenly distributed. The spaces are not evenly distributed.<\/p>\n 4) What I wish for my daughters (and what I cannot protect them from)<\/strong><\/p>\n I do not wish for my daughters that they \u201chave to become stronger than boys\u201d. I wish for them that they do not constantly run into an invisible wall.<\/p>\n And I know: I cannot protect them from every injustice. I cannot stand next to them when someone underestimates them. I cannot prevent every pigeonhole they are put into.<\/p>\n But I can do something else:<\/p>\n I can give them an inner coordinate system.<\/strong><\/p>\n One that says:<\/p>\n And perhaps the most important thing:<\/p>\n You do not have to be \u201cperfect\u201d to be taken seriously. Because perfection is often the price girls are supposed to pay in order to get any space at all.<\/p>\n 5) What I, as a father, actively have to unlearn<\/strong><\/p>\n Here comes the part that is uncomfortable: It is not enough to be \u201cfor equality\u201d. I have to ask myself where I myself reproduce patriarchy even though I reject it.<\/p>\n For example:<\/p>\n Patriarchy does not live only in the loud ones. It lives in the routines.<\/p>\n And yes: It is uncomfortable to watch yourself doing this. But being a father is \u2013 if we are honest \u2013 also a school of humility.<\/p>\n 6) Equality does not begin in parliament, but at the kitchen table<\/strong><\/p>\n When I say \u201celiminate patriarchy\u201d, I don\u2019t mean that Generation Alpha will someday press a big button and then everything will be fine. I mean: We have to rewrite the operating system \u2013 in a thousand small everyday lines.<\/p>\n Here are things we as parents (and especially we as fathers) can concretely do:<\/p>\n 1) Make care work visible and equal<\/strong><\/p>\n Not \u201chelp\u201d, but be responsible: doctor\u2019s appointments, school chat, clothes, birthdays, mental load. Children observe this. And they learn from it what is \u201cnormal\u201d.<\/p>\n 2) Take language seriously<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s so bitchy.\u201d \u2013 \u201cHe\u2019s just a boy.\u201d<\/p>\n These are tiny sentences with a big impact. Language is not decoration. Language is program code.<\/p>\n 3) Do not label skills by gender<\/strong><\/p>\n Not \u201cFor a girl you are really\u2026\u201d (catastrophe).<\/p>\n Not \u201cThat\u2019s more for boys.\u201d (also catastrophe).<\/p>\n But: \u201cYou practice. You learn. You get better.\u201d<\/p>\n 4) Girls are allowed to take risks<\/strong><\/p>\n Climbing. Debating. Arguing. Setting boundaries.<\/p>\n Not just being \u201cnice\u201d, but being effective.<\/p>\n 5) Raise boys emotionally (yes, that\u2019s part of it)<\/strong><\/p>\n If we want girls not to slip back into care roles later, boys must learn to carry feelings, take responsibility, listen. Equality is a team project.<\/p>\n 6) Recognize \u201cmansplaining\u201d in your own house<\/strong><\/p>\n If my daughter explains something and I immediately correct her without asking questions \u2013 then that is not a detail. It is training. For me.<\/p>\n 7) Consciously choose role models<\/strong><\/p>\n Books, films, series, sports, music: What roles do children see? Who saves whom? Who is smart? Who leads? Who is admired?<\/p>\n Media are not just entertainment \u2013 they are role schools.<\/p>\n 8) Make boundaries and consent concrete<\/strong><\/p>\n Not as a \u201ctopic\u201d, but as an attitude: bodily autonomy, no means no, yes means yes. Even in small things: hugging, tickling, posting photos.<\/p>\n 9) Don\u2019t smile away sexism<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s just a joke.\u201d<\/p>\n No. Jokes are the small nails from which big bars are later made.<\/p>\n 10) Don\u2019t load the repair of the world onto daughters<\/strong><\/p>\n This is important to me: I hope Generation Alpha cleans up. But that must not mean: You have to solve this now.<\/p>\n We have to solve it. So that they no longer have to carry it.<\/p>\n 7) The pointed truth: Anyone who does not carry a child should be careful with judgments about \u201cabilities\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u2019ll come back to my provocative sentence \u2013 because it exposes something:<\/p>\n When men (or in general: people who have never been pregnant and never will be) tell women what they are capable of, that is not only arrogant. It is also grotesque.<\/p>\n Because pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, the physical and psychological carrying \u2013 that is a dimension of achievement, risk, responsibility and pain that in our society is simultaneously romanticized and devalued.<\/p>\n And while this reality exists, we are still discussing whether girls are \u201ctoo emotional\u201d to lead. Whether women are \u201ctoo soft\u201d for technology. Whether they are \u201cnot resilient enough\u201d.<\/p>\n Perhaps that is exactly the core of patriarchal logic:<\/p>\n It questions competence precisely where it can least refute it.<\/p>\n 8) My hope for Generation Alpha: Not \u201cgirlboss\u201d, but normality<\/strong><\/p>\n I do not wish for a world in which women \u201care finally also allowed to be like men\u201d. That is not a goal. That would only be a role swap in the same cage.<\/p>\n I wish for a world in which:<\/p>\n In short: a world in which equality is so normal that an old chorus sounds like a fossil.<\/p>\n 9) Conclusion: This chorus is current because we are not finished yet<\/strong><\/p>\n The fact that these lines still hit me today is no coincidence. It is a hint. A thorn. A mandate.<\/p>\n And if I am honest, it is also a kind of fatherly fear: the fear that my daughters will experience things that I, as a man, never had to experience \u2013 and that I will then only be able to support them with words.<\/p>\n But words are not nothing. Words are starting points. And actions are the continuation of words.<\/p>\n I hope the Generation Alpha of my daughters eliminates patriarchy from our reality.<\/p>\n But I hope even more that we do not stand in their way \u2013 and that we finally start actively helping to build.<\/p>\n Not someday.<\/p>\n Today. At the kitchen table. In the tone of voice. In responsibility. In the moment when someone says or radiates: \u201cA girl can\u2019t do that.\u201d<\/p><\/p>\n \u201cA girl can\u2019t do that\u201d \u2013 and why, as the father of two daughters, I finally never want to hear or see that again. There are these moments when something old hits you out of the blue. A line from a song. A chorus you might have sung along to in the past without thinking […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15584,"parent":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[642],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15579","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n\n
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