I am writing this because I believe that in our culture we are subject to a dangerous simplification that bothers me as a man and as a father of daughters: desire in women is still often considered a marginal topic \u2013 a \u201cnice to have,\u201d not a basic need. And that is exactly what I want to question.<\/p>\n
Dianne de la Cruz \u2013 a voice of self-determination<\/strong><\/p>\n Dianne de la Cruz is a therapist and author who deals with questions of female sexuality, shame, and self-determination. In her interviews and lectures, she describes sexuality as a mirror of social power relations. Her central idea: \u201cDesire is not a luxury. It is part of dignity and self-determination.\u201d<\/p>\n She stands for an attitude that opposes the centuries-old devaluation of female desire. She shows that sexuality is not only private, but deeply political \u2013 because it determines how free a person is allowed to feel in their own body.<\/p>\n 1. Childhood and bodily experience<\/strong><\/p>\n It starts early.<\/p>\n While boys learn to touch their bodies naturally \u2013 if only because they urinate standing up \u2013 girls hear very early on: \u201cHands off!\u201d or \u201cShame on you!\u201d<\/p>\n Neuroscience shows that so-called \u201cemotional maps\u201d are formed in the brain: body parts that are regularly touched and perceived are more strongly represented there. If girls are not allowed to have this experience, a distance arises \u2013 not only physically, but also emotionally.<\/p>\n The result: many women later experience their bodies as something seen from the outside, not as something they feel from within.<\/p>\n 2. The double standard dilemma<\/strong><\/p>\n Social expectations reinforce this alienation:<\/p>\n Women are supposed to be desirable, but not too much; sensual, but please not self-determined; attractive, but definitely not \u201cfeminist.\u201d<\/p>\n This game of opposites creates a constant tension. Those who show desire risk criticism. Those who suppress it lose themselves.<\/p>\n Even Dianne de la Cruz describes how deep these imprints go:<\/p>\n \u201cI once thought: Luckily no daughter \u2013 she would run around almost naked in the summer. And then I realized how absurd this thought is: Why should she have to dress so that men don\u2019t react? Actually, it should be exactly the other way around.\u201d<\/p>\n 3. Desire as an act of self-determination<\/strong><\/p>\n Sexual self-determination is more than intimacy \u2013 it is political.<\/p>\n The patriarchy has its fingers deep in this topic. A woman who knows and lives her desire questions existing power structures. She says:<\/p>\n \u201cI am not here to please anyone. I am here to live my sexuality for myself.\u201d<\/p>\n Desire is not a whim, not a luxury, and not a bonus.<\/p>\n It is the expression of a self-determined consciousness \u2013 a relationship with oneself that includes dignity, curiosity, and presence.<\/p>\n 4. Perception begins with permission<\/strong><\/p>\n Perception arises through permission.<\/p>\n Only those who allow themselves to feel their own bodies can truly perceive them. This applies to everyone, but for women, this very permission has been systematically withdrawn over generations.<\/p>\n Touch, curiosity, and self-contact are not trivial matters \u2013 they are the foundation of every healthy self-perception.<\/p>\n When women relearn to listen to themselves, to feel themselves, and to allow themselves to experience desire, something new emerges: a confident relationship with their own bodies beyond judgment and shame.<\/p>\n 5. Desire as dignity<\/strong><\/p>\n Desire is not a luxury.<\/p>\n It is a human right.<\/p>\n It is the quiet but determined voice of the body that says: \u201cI am alive.\u201d<\/p>\n When women once again understand their desire as part of their dignity, it not only changes their sexuality \u2013 it changes their attitude toward life itself.<\/p>\n Conclusion<\/p>\n Female desire is not a private detail, but a social compass.<\/p>\n A culture that teaches women to be ashamed of their bodies prevents self-determination and undermines dignity.<\/p>\n But a culture that respects female desire recognizes:<\/p>\n Perception begins with permission \u2013 and self-determination begins with touch.<\/p>\n Desire is not a luxury. It is part of dignity and self-determination. \u2013 Dianne de la Cruz<\/p>\n I am writing this because I believe that in our culture we are subject to a dangerous simplification that bothers me as a man and as a father of daughters: desire in women is still often considered a marginal topic \u2013 a \u201cnice to have,\u201d not a basic need. And that is exactly what I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9882,"parent":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[642],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12055","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n