“I am Peter,” he said – and anyone who listened closely could sense that he was giving a name here as if it were a rare good. “And I am happy every day – not because everything is perfect, but because I align my everyday life with a sense of meaning.”
He paused, and you could hear how the silence examined him.
“Not with mood,” he said. “Not with motivation. But with a sense of meaning that carries – even on days when I don’t feel like it.”
Hans thought: Desire is Walpurgis Night. Meaning is everyday life. And both are fighting.
“My meaning,” said Dr. AuDHS, “as I formulate it today, is: To lead a long, healthy, fit and happy life – and to spend as much time as possible in euphoria and hyperfocus.”
He said “hyperfocus” without shame. He said it like a person who does not see his own nervous system as a flaw, but as material.
“From that my decisions arise,” he continued. “I need physical exertion – strength training. I love good food and drink – preferably in a way that does me good. I like information – reading, documentaries, sometimes also television. I love structure – rituals, routines, daily paths, also through my dog.”
Hans thought: The dog as routine. How beautiful, how banal, how true.
“I love sun,” said Dr. AuDHS, and you could sense how the word opened up in the room, because up here sun is a promise. “And I love luxury vacations, because they really relieve me.”
A quiet, approving murmur went through the room, which immediately disappeared again, because approval in public spaces has something embarrassing about it.
“I love community,” said Dr. AuDHS. “Family, marriage, children, people who are important to me.”
Morgenstern briefly looked down, as if he were holding something inside himself.
“And yes,” Dr. AuDHS continued, “such a lifestyle costs money. But here too the crucial distinction is: I don’t want to earn the maximum. I want to earn enough – and at the same time keep as much fulfilled lifetime as possible.”
Hans thought: The man who stands in a luxury vacation says he does not want to earn the maximum. That is either hypocrisy – or it is the truth that can only be spoken from luxury. And perhaps both are true at the same time.
“That is the point,” said Dr. AuDHS, “at which career decisions suddenly make sense. Not: Which job brings the most? But: Which path gives me the best ratio of income, freedom, meaning and lifetime?”
Hans felt an old calculation open up inside him: desertion was a career decision. It had shifted income, freedom, meaning and lifetime for him in a way that one is not officially allowed to calculate.
“For me,” said Dr. AuDHS, “that was entrepreneurial activity, because it gives me more control over time – even if it has its price. For others it is a profession that becomes a calling. Both can be right. The only important thing is: It has to fit your sense of meaning.”
He said “your” formally again; the crack between closeness and professionalism remained visible, and it was, strangely enough, likeable.
“And with that,” said Dr. AuDHS, “I come to what I call bestforming.”
